More Than WE Know

What happens when your worst nightmares about networking actually come true?

Despite the hours of positive self-talk and the extent of strategic planning, you get to the networking event and discover that people really aren’t interested in meeting you or are only interested in you as a potential customer, rather than as an ally, a referral partner or a creative inspiration.

A scenario like this happened recently to a friend of mine. She went to a local networking event geared toward working women in her town.   She was excited to share the news of her new small business. She had recently started her own business as a life coach for mothers who were transitioning back into the workforce.  She herself is a mother of two small sons and has extensive experience in Human Resources. These traits, coupled with her excellent coaching skills, make her great at what she does.

She went to the event fully prepared with a 30 second intro, interesting ice-breakers, a purse full of business cards and a positive attitude.  What she wasn’t prepared for was the competition.

By the time she returned home a few hours later, she was depressed and ready to throw in the towel.  “Out of 25 women at the event, “she wailed, “there were three life coaches.   My town is too small to support that many coaches! I might as well give up now!”

Welcome to the dark side of networking - the part in which we suddenly come face to face with our competition. If we are not prepared, we can suddenly forget who we are and what makes us unique and special.  Instead, we focus on all those other people who appear to be so much more successful, more accomplished, and more qualified. 

So what do we do when this occurs?

• Don’t panic. The fact that there are other people in your line of business validates the decision you made to pursue it in the first place. If other people are gravitating to the same business, they must also think that there is a market there. 

• Consider that these competitors are in some ways making your job easier.  They are raising awareness of the services or business you provide. As they go out and about selling the idea of coaching, or pet-sitting, or ready-made meals, or whatever your own business is, they are raising awareness.  

Trends start because of people raising awareness. People want what their friends and neighbors have.  And they don’t necessarily differentiate between your services and the other guy’s at this point - so all increases in awareness are good for your business.

• Competition is about differentiating yourself.  If you fall into the trap of thinking that your services are the same as everyone else’s - so will they.  Instead of avoiding competition - seek it out.  Find out what your competitors are doing and then do something different, or do the same thing, only better. 

Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart,  visited competitive stores every single weekend. He observed what they were selling, what they weren’t selling and how they were selling.  And he didn’t just do this when he was new and starting out. He continued to do it as he grew his business into the largest corporation in the world. So, welcome competition.  They’re an education for you in what to do and what not to do in making your business stronger.

As I’ve discussed in previous posts, networking is one of the best ways to become exposed to new people, new opportunities, and new ideas.  What I didn’t say was that those new people may be competitors; those new opportunities may look more like challenges; and those new ideas might be overwhelming.

But take heart. Once the initial shock wears off, you’ll realize that you’ve learned much more than you would have by staying at home and remaining isolated.  You’ll find yourself thinking of ideas for your business that you never would have thought of before. You’ll start to realize what you have to offer that they don’t. You might even begin to see ways to turn those competitors into collaborators.

So, don’t pull away when you find yourself confronted with the Dark Side of Networking – just remember you have your own light – so let it shine!!

Have you had a bad experience networking? If you’d like to share what happened and how you handled it, please comment below.

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 I received an interesting question about yesterday’s post on entrepreneurs trying to overcome shyness at networking events. 

“Liz, I ’ve taken the Myers-Briggs test and discovered that I am an introvert. So, I really can’t help being shy or inept at networking. What can I do?”  - Amy

 Amy,

You’re not alone in confusing introversion with shyness. But in reality, they are not the same thing.  While half of all people are shy,  only one in four are introverts. This means that while you can be a shy introvert, you can also be a shy extrovert. 

Shyness is an excessive preoccupation with yourself.  When we feel shy, we feel like everyone is watching us and judging us.  It is a learned behavior. It can also be a response to a new situation such as a move, a new job, or meeting a lot of new people. Since shyness is situational and learned, it can be overcome with training and behavior modification.  

Introversion, on the other hand, is physical.  You can’t train yourself to be less introverted any more than you can train your eyes to be less blue.  Introversion is caused by the way your brain functions. 

Introverts have more natural cortical activity in their brains than extroverts.  Since they already have a lot of stimulation occuring in their brains naturally, they can be overloaded by social interaction.  Introverts report being drained by being around other people. They need to withdraw into solitary activities in order to re-energize.

Extroverts are just the opposite.  Since they have less natural cortical activity in their brain, they seek out external stimuli such as interaction with other people. Extroverts report feeling energized by interaction with other people. They actively seek it out.

So, back to your question, Amy - can introverts be effective networkers?

As an introvert myself, I say, yes, definitely, introverted entrepreneurs can be effective networkers, and may even come to enjoy networking, if they follow these suggestions:

• Pace yourself!  Don’t overload your schedule with networking events.  If you are at a conference, be selective about which events you attend. Just because it is on the agenda, doesn’t mean you need to show up.  Spend the time taking a walk, reading a book or surfing the internet - you’ll have more energy to give to the events you do attend. 
• Time yourself ! Decide ahead of time how long you are going to spend at any given event and then stick to it.  If you know you are only going to be there for an hour, you can rise to the occasion and give it your all.  But if you don’t know how long you will have to stay, it can be much more difficult to endure.
• Accept yourself! Being introverted is much less accepted in American society than being extroverted.   People will misinterpret your need to be alone as rudeness.  Don’t be tempted to try and explain.  Just say that you wish you could attend, but you can’t. It’s the truth and it respects your limitations.
• Embrace yourself! Introverts tend to be very analytical, and competent at solitary pursuits such as writing, painting, computer programming and accounting.  Introverts tend to have engaging  personal hobbies such as reading, gardening, hiking or meditating.  These pursuits can make you an interesting and valuable social companion during the times you do participate.

So, Amy, by following these tips, and honoring your own internal needs, you will become a most effective networker.

I would say that about half of you who read my series this week on networking are still thinking - who me? network? no way! I’m too shy!

How do I know this? Am I psychic? No, I just happen to know that approximately 50% of all Americans surveyed will say that they are shy. This number has actually grown in recent years from approximately 40%. Some researchers attribute this increase in shyness to the rise in technology and the internet. In other words, if you’re reading this, you probably feel more comfortable in front of a computer than in the middle of a group of strangers.

The only problem with that of course is that you’re missing out on the fantastic power of networking to grow your business and expose you to new ideas and opportunities.

As I discussed in my recent post on social networking online, I realize it is possible to network while on your computer. However, most of the people I talked to recommended augmenting online networking with face to face meetings.

So if you feel that your shyness is keeping you from opportunities that your less-shy competitors are having, there are several approaches you can take depending on the unique way your shyness manifests itself.

For example:

1) If you are shy when making small-talk but are fine when you have a designated role, such as team leader or timekeeper, etc.:

• Arrive early and volunteer to help; take on the role of official greeter or registrar. This gives you a sense of purpose and authority; you need to speak to people and ensure they have a name-tag and know where to find the bathrooms. This breaks the ice and makes it easier to initiate conversations.

• Designate yourself the head of the table in your own mind. Sit down at an empty table or a table with one person. Introduce yourself. When the next person arrives, introduce that person to the person already sitting there and yourself. And so on. People will naturally include you in their conversations since you’ve broken the ice and they also see you as the “leader” at the table.

• Volunteer to be on a committee. It gives purpose to your small talk and makes it easier to think of things to say. Plus people will get to see a demonstration of the great skills you bring to the activity and will feel more confident recommending you.

2) If you are uncomfortable with small talk because you don’t know what is expected:

• Come prepared. Before the event think of three open-ended questions you could ask other people that would get a conversation going. Many people feel pressured in social situations because they think they have to be entertaining. In reality, people are starved for a good audience. If you are too shy to talk but are able to listen well, you can be a popular companion.

• Talk about someone or something other than yourself. Shyness has a lot to do with self-consciousness. Some people who can’t possibly talk about themselves, find words flowing fluently when they talk about a subject they are passionate about.

3) If you are shy when speaking off the cuff but are in your element when delivering a rehearsed speech:

• Offer to be a guest speaker or the event host; many organizations are in need of speakers. It’s ironic that a lot of people who don’t think of themselves as shy, are uncomfortable speaking in public. So, if you are one of the few who enjoys public speaking - make the most of it - and others will want to network with you!

The point in all of this is to set small goals. When you attend an event, decide ahead of time that you are going to initiate one conversation, pay one compliment, and learn one person’s name. Then, when you do, allow yourself to feel a sense of accomplishment! You’re one step closer to entrepreneurial success!

Do you have a tip for overcoming shyness? Or a story in which you took a networking risk? I’d love to hear it. Add your comment below!

Kathryn Birky is already an amazing Woman Entrepreneur even though she is still in college. In fact she became an entrepreneur at the age of 12, when she and her brother decided to launch a lawn mowing business, using a lawn mower powered by a pony!! Yes, Kathryn’s business was “green” long before “being green” was cool!

Over the years, Kathryn’s entrepreneurial passion for the environment has caused her to receive international attention. She was even selected to represent the US at the United Nation’s International Children’s Conference on the Environment!

Kathryn’s devotion to environmentally conscious entrepreneurship continues to this day. In an article in the Mennonite Weekly Review, Kathryn explained her current aspiration to become an independent environmental writer, ” If I can convince individual readers to make their everyday decisions with this awareness in mind, their united actions will create a greener world and a brighter future.”

Kathryn recently received a $24,000 scholarship from the National Association for Self-Employed based on the business plan for her lawn mowing enterprise and her experience running it for her entire teenage years. Scholarships are open to all children of NASE members.
This is a heartwarming story of a young woman using her intuition, her passion and her talent to make the world a better place. She is an inspiration for all Women Entrepreneurs who want to make a difference as well as make a living.

As Kathryn states, “An entrepreneur is a visionary: they see opportunities for improvement in a society that other people haven’t noticed yet.”

After posting my series on networking, I received feedback that all of my focus was on face to face networking and that I had ignored online-networking completely.  

The question was - did the same rules apply?   

The reasoning was that  with the ability to make connections online to networks with thousands of people,  wasn’t face to face networking outmoded and old fashioned? And didn’t the need to be “a connector” go away? Didn’t the website, such as LinkedIn.com take that role?  

The questions intrigued me since I had never actually participated in one of these groups and didn’t really understand how posting a profile on a website was suddenly going to increase the number of people that I knew and who knew me.  

Thankfully my friend (and member of my network), Lou, offered to walk me through the steps of LinkedIn.  It seems that once you are registered you can participate in question and answer type dialogues that enable you to get to know other people and for them to get to know you.  Not exactly chatting over the cheeseball, but it sounded promising.

At first, I answered a few questions posed by other members, just to get a feel for it. Then, with my confidence increased, I posed a question of my own before heading off to bed.  

New to Online Networking - do you think it is more/less/just as effective as old fashioned in-person networking? Why or why not? (Do you have any examples of real relationships that have developed via online networking or is it mostly people who already know each other connecting? )

When I got up this morning, I had several thoughtful well-written responses.   

Matt Genovese from Texas pointed out that, “It’s incredibly effective, in my opinion. However, I think we shouldn’t lose sight that localized face-to-face “old fashioned” networking is also effective in its own right.”  

Matt belongs to a LinkedIn extension Group for high-tech professionals in Austin, Texas, Door64.com. He says, “The goal is to promote online networking as an extension to LinkedIn, but also (because of our Austin-area locality) to promote face-to-face networking opportunities.”  

Sheilah Etheridge from Alaska stated, “I have found linkedin online networking far more rewarding than in person networking. In person most of the people are at a loss what to do so they hand out a business card and are on their way. Online we get to share and help one another.

I have gotten to know some of my connections very well. A few I actually consider friends. I have also had a couple job offers and gained a client. It works, but you have to invest time and energy and get to know those in your network. “ 

Kathie Thomas from Australia said, “It’s different Liz and necessary. Both offline (face-to-face) and online networking are necessary today for all types of businesses. I’ve built almost my entire team through online networking and lots of clients that way too. But offline networking has meant gaining clients that would not have looked for me online.I’ve got lots of friends and contacts online and have actually met some of them when travelling interstate and overseas so it was worth getting to know them online.

And a recent book I’ve written has had two people contribute to it from overseas - through online networking. I was also a contributor to another book for a lady in the US whom I’ve never met in person but know online.

Last year my husband and I accompanied our daughter to Ireland - her first overseas trip and it was a good excuse for us. We went to Dublin, Kildare, drove around Ireland, went to London and then Paris.

Several weeks before we went I sent out a message via several Virtual Assistant forums to say what cities I’d be visiting and when. I had VAs from Dublin, London and Paris respond and I had meetings with each one. The lady in London and her husband took my husband and me out for the whole day and we visited Rochester, Canterbury Cathedral, the White Cliffs of Dover and other places. Also I had a man from London ring me out of the blue who wanted to do business with VAs in Australia and when I mentioned I was coming to London he and his wife elected to meet us off the plane and take us to lunch. None of this would have happened if I didn’t network online. “

So what did I conclude from my brief foray into electronic networking?

It certainly has the advantage of convenience, breadth and speed. And I really like the idea of using it as part of an overall networking strategy, in which one augments and supports the others -  I’ll definitely be back. 

And I will still observe the rules for networking listed in my previous blogs - everything I learned tells me that they are just as, or even more important, than in traditional networking.

1.      seek relationships – not quick sales 

2.      look for ways to be of help to others

3.      maintain relationships on an ongoing basis

4.      get to know a wide variety of people

5.      bring those people together through you

The bottom line is that sites like www.linkedin.com  provide the opportunity to connect with others - but they don’t act as the connector - that is still largely up to the individuals involved. You have to put yourself out there as authentically and sincerely as possible - and from there, it’s all up to you!