More Than WE Know

One of the areas that almost every Women Entrepreneur I speak to feels they should be doing more of, is Networking.  We know it’s important for our business’ growth and development, but since it is not urgent, it tends to get pushed to the bottom of our to-do lists.

Networking online can be less time-consuming than networking offline.  But it can also be hard to know where to start. And of course it can also be a bit scary.  If meeting new people online seems intimidating to you, then it might be better to start by using the internet to reconnect with people you already know but have lost touch with.  

One tool I recently became aware of is: The Online Alumni Community.  Since I attend many classes online, my first assumption was that it was an alumni community for people who attended school online.  But in closer inspection I found that its scope was much more broad.

It has groups from a wide variety of  colleges.  Some I took at closer look at were:

• Aakers College Alumni Group
• Howard University Alumni Group    
• Harvard University Alumni Group
• Stanford University Alumni Group

In addition to the group forums, there are also places to post messages, events, videos and questions.  There is also a place to post alumni blog entries.    

This almuni social networking site is new but there seems to be quite a bit of activity on it.  There are multiple videos scattered about and quite a few participants listed. Most of the participants appear to be within 10 years of college, which makes sense since it is appealing to people who are used to online sites like facebook and myspace.

As I’ve discussed in the past, the advantage of smaller social networking sites is that sometimes it is easier to develop more intimate and personal relationships. Many people have become disillusioned with the larger networking sites in which you find that you have thousands of “friends” without knowing who any of them really are.

Reconnecting with your old network can broaden your social circle. The more people who know about your business, the more opportunity you will have to grow and expand.

After reviewing Online Alumni Community, I would feel comfortable recommending it to women entrepreneurs who attended or graduated from college within the past 10 years or so.  It could be a good way to get back in touch with friends from the past or maybe even make new friends based on common interests.

I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts: How comfortable are you with networking online? Do you feel more comfortable with the idea of reconnecting with people you already know? What sites do you use?

(sponsored review)

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It doesn’t take much to realize that we’d get a lot more done, have more fun doing it, and feel the satisfaction of collaboration if we’d only ask for help. Then why is it so difficult?

Our culture says it’s a weakness to ask for help, so is it any wonder that our parents inherited the party line and repeated it to us, perhaps never questioning its value or whether it made sense. Most of us were raised with “family mantras” playing over and over in our minds until they have become a part of us. “Don’t bother the neighbors!” “If you want it done right, do it yourself!” We cut our teeth hearing these and maybe the last words out the door as we left for college.

Have you heard the story about the new bridegroom who asked why his wife cut the end off the ham before cooking it? “Because my mother did”, she replied. When he had an opportunity he asked her mom and her answer was “Because my mother did”. Anxious to get to the bottom of this, he couldn’t wait for an opportunity to ask his wife’s grandmother and the occasion finally presented itself. “Why did you cut the end off the ham before you cooked it?” he asked. “Because my pan was too short!” Three generations repeating the same behavior never questioning it.

So if you’re carrying that old belief around about it’s being a weakness to ask for help, does it make sense to change it and how? If you’re not asking for help, then you’re doing everything all by yourself. In today’s’ world that means you’re a very busy person with more coming at you all the time! It also means that you’ve become accomplishment based because your success has come to depend on how well you do everything all by yourself. What a trap that is. You have unwittingly become very extreme in your lifestyle and it means there’s a very good chance there will be effects from all the stress.

So how do you begin to change the belief? It’s easy to tell you but it will take commitment and dedication to a new way of living to make it happen.

Your new belief might read, “it is a strength to ask for help!” Now, your behavior must be congruent with your belief just as it was in the past.

How will you act as you adopt this new belief? There’s good science that says if you “act as if” you really do believe the new belief, even though we know major changes like that don’t happen over night, after a time of acting it out, you will come to adopt it.

1. Make a point to ask for help when the occasion arises. It will be frightening at first because you’re used to having all the control and you’ll be handing some of it over to others. So let’s think about maintaining some of the control by “languaging” your request. The very greatest lesson I ever learned is that people support what they help create, so:

• When would it be convenient for you to show me how you did that Excel Spreadsheet?
• Is there a better time to help me lift this heavy piece of furniture?
• Let’s plan a way to get this house cleaned up so we can go to the movies.
• Could you help with the last of this project if I help you on that billing?

It’s apparent that each sample incorporates the other person in creating a plan to make helping you successful. The chance of an outright rejection is minimized.

The loss of control is not complete, and there is a feeling of camaraderie.

That’s a win/win.

2. When you live in the belief that it’s a strength to ask for help, your self-esteem goes up every time you ask and each time someone says “sure”! Of course we need to keep this in balance just like any other behavior.

3. Your life becomes more balanced, so you’re not as stressed and you have more time for relationships.

4. You find that the general productivity goes up as a result of everyone helping each other and the benefit of the collaboration creates higher morale.

5. Would you be surprised from all these items, that in business, believing that “asking for help is a strength” goes straight to the bottom line?

Beliefs are powerful. They drive how we act. If we want to act more balanced, have more fun, feel more fulfilled, and know that we are part of something much larger than ourselves, we’d better get busy. We have a belief to rewrite about asking for help!

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This was a guest post by Peggy Collins. Peggy is the author of Help Is Not a Four Letter Word. She has been a professional speaker and trainer since 1987 and can be reached at Help is Not a Four Letter Word.

Yesterday, I was meme’d by Elizabeth Striano from a green footprint. You may remember Elizabeth from when I profiled her business on Blog Action Day. 

Being meme’d isn’t as painful as it sounds. Meme is a blogger’s game of tag, kind of a chain mail, that taps bloggers on the shoulder, asks them to link to the tagger, respond to a question, post the guidelines and then tap several other bloggers on the shoulder to do the same.

It’s a harmless bit of fun that exposes you to more bloggers through virtual networking. By following the back-trail on this meme, I was already introduced to some really interesting bloggers – Beth at Life at Avenue Z  and Moonbeam McQueen (which I would like to think is her real name…but sadly, it probably isn’t)   Hopefully you will meet some interesting people,  too.

First, the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2) Share 7 facts about yourself.
3) Tag 7 random people and include links to their blogs.
4) Let each person know they have been tagged and comment on their blog.

Now for the question – this meme question asks you to tell seven things about yourself.

It’s hard to think of things that might be of interest to the readers of this blog, but I’ll give it a try:

1) My grandmothers were both entrepreneurial women. My mother’s parents owned an upholstery store during the depression and WWII. My grandmother sewed the fabric and my grandfather built and upholstered the furniture. They lived upstairs from the store and my mother would play in a corner of the store after finishing her homework. 

My father’s parents owned a pottery business and later a pottery retail store. My grandmother co-managed the store, doing purchasing, marketing and sales. She was voted woman of the year by her chapter of the Business and Professional Women’s (BPW) organization – I still use the commemorative coffee mug.

2) When I was a little girl I used to love to play “store” in my grandparent’s pottery shop.  I would show items to imaginary customers, give them a sales pitch and ring up their sales on the adding machine.

3) Despite these role models, for some reason when I was growing up, I thought I only had a few options for a career – nurse, teacher, or nun. None of these options were terribly appealing. I considered becoming a nun for a while because I liked the hats (The Flying Nun was a popular TV show back then) – but that was before I understood all of the rules. 

Teacher was second choice because I like explaining things to people – but as I got older I discovered that I only like explaining things to people who are really motivated to learn – that’s why this blog and my newsletter are a better fit for me than a classroom.

4)I’ve always enjoyed writing and used to write a family newsletter about household events and then attempt to sell it to my relatives.  It was all handwritten and illustrated, but I never did get much of a circulation.  I can only imagine what I would have produced if there had been desktop publishing forty years ago!

5)I’m a voracious reader. I love to read books; I love to do research; and I love to share what I have learned with others.  (see #3)

6) I’m a certified scuba diver and have gone diving in Hawaii, Florida and the Caribbean.  This may not seem to have a lot to do with being an entrepreneur, but for me it does.  When scuba diving you are going outside of your comfort zone –  (being able to breathe is comforting!)  Successful diving, just like succesful business management,  involves education, practice, intelligent risk taking, and gradual mastery.  It is best done in conjunction with a support system (a “buddy” in scuba parlance). 

Much like being an entrepreneur, diving opens your eyes to a whole hidden world that exists side-by-side with the common one, but of which most people are unaware.  It builds confidence, self-esteem and a lasting sense of accomplishment.  

7) I love to travel.  I have traveled extensively across the U.S. and in over 20 countries outside the U.S. For six months I lived and worked in India.  I am fascinated by different regional cultures, the differences in the ways people do business, and in the different ways that women live their lives.

One of the things I love about this blog is that I regularly get readers from  Canada, Ireland, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Spain, Norway, India, the Philippines, Japan, Brazil, Turkey and other countries.   I hope to eventually travel more and talk first-hand to Women Entrepreneurs about their businesses. 

The last step of the meme is to tag other bloggers.  This meme suggests picking seven people at random, but I can’t bring myself to do that.  Instead, I am going to pick seven women whom I admire. Hopefully they will view getting tapped in this grown-up game of tag as a compliment. I recommend that you check out their blogs – you will discover some interesting Women Entrepreneurs.

Self-Made Chick – I can’t say enough about Christine O’Kelly. She’s living the life I would have led if I had been a little bit bolder and braver. Christine once hitch-hiked across the U.S., meeting people, making friends and having adventures along the way. 

Eventually after getting married and having children she became an entrepreneur, rather suddenly and without a financial safety net.  The business lasted even if the marriage didn’t and Christine is still building a bold and brave life for herself and her children and sharing her insight with her readers along the way.

Barbara Stanny – Barbara is a woman I admire very much – author, speaker and entrepreneur. As the daughter of one of the founders of H&R Block, Barbara was given many opportunities the rest of us can only imagine.  And yet, she’s a very real woman who has struggled with self-doubts, fears and insecurities.  Following a painful divorce, Brabara picked up the pieces and built a great life and business helping women (including her daughters) learn to better manage their money and earn all that they were worth.

Julie Anne Bonner – Julie fascinates me because she is so much the opposite of who I am – she is so amazingly good at organizing that she has a business, DeClutter It! based on helping people get organized.  Julie even writes about organization and shares tips on where to store things and how to put them away!

(Whenever I say that I’ve put something “someplace safe” my family knows that means I’ve lost it – and it may never turn up again until we move!) 

In between her tips on organizing, Julie Anne writes about her other passions – her own business, her family, her role in her husband’s business, and being a wife, woman and mother in today’s world.

WAHfacts – Crystal Berney  is a hard-working entrepreneur and single mom of three. You may remember her from her profile during the series of work at home moms. She writes about her first-hand challenges of running a home-based business and raising healthy children. I admire her strength and spirit.

Cafe30 – Towanda Long  writes a fun and informative blog from the perspective of a thirty-something professional. She gives great marketing tips, perspectives on life and current events, as well as product information.  Sometimes she rants, sometimes she jokes, but she is always entertaining.  I admire her wit and humor. 

Towanda (aka the Cafelady) is just about ready to join the ranks of entrepreneurial mothers – her first baby is due on Christmas day!  

All Diva Media – DJ Nelson writes intelligent, thoughtful and sometimes provocative articles about being a woman in today’s world. I admire her ability to speak her truth  with courage and conviction. Her blog is part of a network of blogs by and for women: Bride Diva, Long Distance Diva, Marriage Diva, Parenting Diva and A Curvy Diva.   

Organic Yum Yum  – This is Amanda Webb’s personal blog. Amanda was recently profiled on this site as a fascinating Woman Entrepreneur and owner of FeelGood Organic Hampers based in Ireland. Amanda is passionate about the environment and the promotion of organic foods and products.  I admire her focus and dedication.

 ————–

Update (Dec 2nd) - since Christine told me that she had already been tagged once for this meme, I am going to add another blogger to my list.  (I’m actually excited, because it was hard for me to limit my list of women bloggers I admire to only seven. )

April Groves is a multi-facetedl Woman Entrepreneur and a very talented writer.  She is a a real estate agent, a blogger, a coach, a columnist, a wife and a mother of four (not necessarily in that order).  She maintains two blogs: Making Life Work for You   and My Beautiful Chaos.   If you read nothing else, at least read her “about page” - it’s the most charming and insightful one I’ve ever read.  I admire April’s gift for writing and her ability to make her rich and varied life work.

——————-

It’s interesting to me as I review this list to realize that I am drawn to these writers as much for their differences from me as for their similarities.

It’s the same when I talk to the readers of this blog - I find that while WE have many different experiences and views,  WE are all passionate, enthusiastic, and hard-working women who are changing the world, More than WE Know.

The other day I wrote about ways introverted entrepreneurs could be more approachable (without going to the extreme of wearing a nametag 24×7).  The response I received was, “I’m not sure I want to be more approachable because after they approach me, I don’t know what to say!”

This is where we transition from the challenge of being introverted to the challenge of being shy.  Almost half of all people feel shy at times, especially with new people, so it’s only natural that many of us feel that way when networkng.

The good news is that there are some techniques to getting a conversation going.  Contrary to what many people seem to think,

Those techniques aren’t:

• wait for the other person to talk  or
• fill the silence with your own chatter  

The techniques are:

1) leverage free information

2) ask follow-up questions

So, you ask, what is free information?

Free information comes from two sources:

• what you observe
• what they say

Scott Ginsberg gives free infomation by wearing a nametag. People know his name is Scott so they feel free to say, “Hi Scott”. They also can see he is wearing a nametag at a grocery store or while riding his bike or walking his dog. This gives them an opportunity to comment or make a joke about this unusual sight.

In the same way,  I was recommending that you provide free information to others based on what you wore or what you carried in your hands - a book, a baby or a dog leash.

Similarly, you can also comment on what other people are wearing or carrying or doing.

Another way to pick up free information is by listening closely to what they say.  Perhaps you say “Good morning.” and they say, “Maybe it’s good for you, but my train was 20 minutes late today!”

You can either say , “Oh, that’s too bad” and listen to the silence or you can pick up on free information and ask some follow up questions.

“That’s too bad - How has the rest of your morning been?”

“How frustrating - What did you do during the delay?”

“What a shame- How often does that happen?”

The key is not to ask all the questions, rapid-fire, in an interrogating way. Just pick one of the questions and see where it leads, picking up and acting upon additional free information as you go along.

Before you know it, you’ve gotten over that initial awkward moment and you’re on your way to a real connection!

For additional information on networking read:

Networking Eye-opener

Networking with Intent

Networking Legacy

What techniques do you use for initiating and maintaining conversations? Are you in the 40-50% of people who feel shy with strangers? How do you handle it?

Yesterday I told you about Scott Ginsberg, that guy with the nametag, and his great new book Make a Name for Yourself.

I also told you that I was going to ponder how his extroverted behaviors could be helpful to introverted entrepreneurs.   While none of us wants to wear a nametag 24×7, the idea of being more approachable is appealing.

As I’ve mentioned previously, being introverted is different than being shy, although a person can be both.  Being introverted is a physical trait that leaves you feeling drained after encounters with other people.  This causes many introverts to avoid excessive interaction with others. 

But, I’ve also written that introverts can still be effective networkers by learning to pace their interactions. In other words, while we may not feel comfortable wearing a nametag 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, everywhere we go,we might be comfortable wearing one 1 hour a day, 3 days a week at networking events.  

The key is to set limits that you can live with and then to implement some of the concepts that Scott has put into practice.

Scott’s nametag works because it is an ice-breaker. It makes him more approachable because it gives people a way to start a conversation with him. 

Almost 50% of all people report feeling shy with new people or new situations.  Therefore many people are grateful for Scott’s nametag. It gives them a way to make a joke, say hi, or start a conversation; which Scott then keeps going based on his friendly personality.

So, what are some other ways to get similar results without wearing a nametag?

• smile; it sounds simple but it’s something we often forget to do when we are pre-occupied with our thoughts
• make eye-contact; this is especially effective when something amusing happens – sharing a private joke with someone can be a great connector
• say hello; again, simple but often overlooked
• wear something eye-catching; a hat, brooch, flower, bracelet, t-shirt, ribbon, etc. that gives people an opportunity to initiate a conversation
• carry an interesting book or magazine;  others may start a conversation with you based on what you’re reading
• push a baby-stroller;  a great way to connect with other moms  
• walk your dog;   dogs are natural networkers; they can make the connection and you can follow up on the conversation

So, here’s the simple 3 step plan to being more approachable:

step 1 is to determine which of the ideas on the list feel comfortable to you

step 2 is to determine when you will use them:

• at a networking event
• at the office
• on the playground, soccer field, PTA meeting, or walk around the neighborhood
• while running errands

step 3 is give it a try!

Remember, you can always put boundaries around your availability. 

You don’t have to be approachable 24 x 7 – but it’s nice to know that when you want to be, you can!